DEAR ABBY: After many years of trying to keep our family together, divorce is our final option. My husband has had two affairs that I know of during our 30-year marriage. They hurt me deeply. We’ve had lots of counseling, but we can’t get past the damage and breakdown in communication.
Should I tell our university-age children about the affairs? I kept them secret for years because he was a good father, and I didn’t want to ruin my kids’ relationship with their dad. But now that we are breaking up, I’m afraid I may be blamed when our situation is entirely his fault.
I did everything I could to save our marriage, including forgiving the first affair, which happened before our kids were born, and raising what I thought were happy and successful children with him. Now he has blown this up again, and I’m angry he gets to continue having a good relationship with our children.
At the same time, I have a good relationship with my elderly father, although I suspect he may have cheated on my mother. After all these years, I don’t know for sure and I’m grateful I don’t. What do you think? Should my children know the real reason why we split? — RESENTFUL IN CANADA
DEAR RESENTFUL: If your husband is true to form, your children will probably figure out for themselves that their dad has a character flaw. You stated that you are grateful you don’t know the intimate details about your father. That’s why I’m recommending you take a page out of your own book and refrain from the temptation to sling mud at your almost-ex.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.…Read more by AbigailVanBuren, Abigail Van Buren |, Abigail Van Buren
